I'm going to jail i love you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
