i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
