the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
