Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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