dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize