This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
