Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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