We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
