That's when you crack a 10am beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
