My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
