So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
