Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
