I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
