he was CRYING into my vagina
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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