I think I won the penis lottery.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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