If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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