Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
