i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
