im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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