she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
