Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
