That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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