he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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