in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
