he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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