Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
