this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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