You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
