White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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