I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We are two peas in an std pod
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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