Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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