he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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