Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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