i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
