Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize