turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
