I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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