you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
