The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
