just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
