Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
