I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
