have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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