I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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