i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
