oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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