I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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