Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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