I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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