i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
