just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
