3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
