Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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