Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
