She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
