i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
