3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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