We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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