Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
