He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
