i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
