Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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