What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
