is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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