Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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