mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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