and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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