Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
