so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
