So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
