Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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