the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
