My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
