She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
