If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
