Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
