i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
