Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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