hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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