I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
