I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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