It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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