You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
