I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize