Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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