Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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