a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
