Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
