Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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