I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
